


Justifiable Snack Stealing

by c0cunt



Series: c0cunt's minifics [11]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Connie and Sasha are a thing in this, Connie is smol and stronk, Other, snack lover!Jean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-22
Updated: 2016-01-22
Packaged: 2018-05-15 14:19:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,124
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5788537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/c0cunt/pseuds/c0cunt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean's a whiny pissbaby when Connie and Sasha take his snacks...Again.<br/>Prompt:  Ways to say "I love you" #10 - not said to me</p><p>Simultaneously posted <a href="http://c0cunt.tumblr.com/post/137834610525">here</a></p>
            </blockquote>





	Justifiable Snack Stealing

**Author's Note:**

  * For [](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts).



  We had been roommates for ages, in this tiny apartment with thin walls, where the air conditioning would blow out every summer and the heat would click off every ten minutes in winter.  But, it was cheap, and while I had the money for a much better place, I didn’t want to leave Connie in any sense of the word.  He was my best friend, since kindergarten, and I loved him in every sense of the word...Except out loud, to his face, when not drunk.  I had told him several times that I loved him, but even though he knew I was very bi, he always thought it was platonically.  I didn’t want to correct him, in case it scared him off or something, but I'd still love him no matter what.  He's my best bro, and I couldn't let my own emotions get in the way of being there for him.

 

  “God, babe, I love you so much,” I heard Connie breathe through the wall with a laugh.  He was probably on the phone with Sasha.  Yeah, she’s a cool chick, but...She was a competitive eater, and after watching her literally swallow a dozen hot dogs with barely a breath in between them, that kinda scared the shit out of me.  I still get goosebumps when I think about that shit.  Anyways, Connie knocked on the wall between our rooms and raised his voice only slightly to ask if I wanted to go with them to the county fair.  I looked down at myself, having planned to just curl up all day with Netflix and all the junk food I had been able to squish from my hoard with me on my bed.  I whined loudly, probably loud enough for the neighbors to hear, but who gives a shit?  Connie just laughed.

 

  “It kinda sounds like he’s dying, hang on lemme go check on him,” Connie said, and I felt a trickle of fear as I quickly shoved as many of my snacks as possible under my bed.  If Connie or Sasha caught wind of how much crap I had, they’d both skin me alive.  Something about keeping my body healthy, as if Sasha has any fucking room to talk when she’s shoving pizza down her throat in ten minutes.  But Connie’s much faster than my shoving skills, and he catches me with at least a dozen bags of chips on top of my bed, while I’m shoving boxes of donut holes underneath.  The two of us stare at each other, and I’m kinda running on T-Rex logic right now (don’t move and he can’t see me), as Connie lifts his phone that had been almost limply dangling from his hand back to his ear.

 

  “Code fucking blue Sash, ponyboy’s hiding the entire snack aisle under his bed.”  He said flatly, and I could hear Sasha’s screaming in response as she hung up.  Shit.  Before I could protect my precious bags of chips, Connie was in front of me, easily lifting me over his shoulder as I scrabbled to save at least my SunChips.

  “Nooooooooo!”  I wailed, kicking my feet violently, my toes just barely scraping the floor as I tried to get him to stop moving.  “This is the fifth fucking time you guys have gotten rid of my stash, what the fuck, just let me eat a goddamn chip in peace!”  I whimpered, remembering the last time Sasha had gotten to my snacks and decided that throwing a party that I wasn’t invited to was the best way to be rid of them.

 

  Connie just sighed in exasperation, obviously fucking done with my antics.  “Jean, we both care about you, so please don’t kick me in the balls this time.  This much shit isn’t healthy at all,”  He couldn’t gesture back to where my snacks were, but I could imagine him pinching the bridge of his nose and pointing like he did last time if my ass wasn’t slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes.

  “Fuck, when’d you even get so strong?”  I asked, a tiny bit surprised that he was able to carry and lift me while I was throwing a tantrum like a kid.  Connie just grunted, prying my hands off of the door jam where I clung, and accidentally hitting my head against it as well.  I saw stars for a few seconds, but that was all the time Connie needed to get my hands off the door, just as Sasha burst through our apartment door.

 

  Sasha bypassed the both of us, as I wailed at her to at least spare the SunChips, a large black garbage bag in hand.  “One bag of SunChips Jean, and that’s got to last you a week, or none of this is coming back,”  Sasha warned, as she tossed all the boxes of snacks in first, only pausing a few times to look incredulously at something.  “What the fuck kind of flavor is this?”  She asked, flapping a bag of Cajun Squirrel flavored chips.  I’d had to fucking special order those, and I’d be damned if Sasha got rid of those.

 

  “You guys aren’t my parents, don’t throw out those fucking chips Sash or I swear…” I trailed off, suddenly realizing Connie still hadn’t put me down.  “CONNIE, fucking put me down what the fuck I hate you both.”  I whined, kicking violently once again.  Connie dumped me onto the couch with a sigh, and soon I was up and stomping back over to my bedroom, even as Connie blocked the door.  At least this way I could watch as Sasha dumped my precious snacks into her bag, even though I knew it won’t end until she’s done a complete once-over of my room.  Fucking pricks.  Can’t believe I love these assholes.

 

  “Y’know Jean,” Sasha starts, as if we can be all buddy-buddy while she’s throwing my snacks into her sack, “Before I started with competitive eating, I was always eating this sort of crap too.”  She paused, wistfully sighing over a bag of plain potato chips.  “But then I decided I’d be better to my body than this,” She snapped, pointing at the nearly-full black bag.  I rolled my eyes at her dramatics; I remembered just as well as anyone else did, when Sasha would wander around school with a new bag of potato chips each class.  I wasn’t that bad...As Connie side-eyed me, probably thinking exactly what I was thinking, and pointed accusingly at the bag, as if it was evidence enough against me.  Both of them were glaring at me as if I were some sort of snack monster (which, I guess I was), and I held up my hands in defeat...For now.


End file.
